On CWebb Going to the Pistons

As most of you know, there was a time when I would have wanted Chris Webber on the Pistons before any other player in the world. When I was in high school, I remember my cousin coming back from a tournament in down state Michigan, talking about how their small town team had gotten destroyed by Detroit Country Day, featuring an unstoppable sophomore named Chris Webber. I followed the Fab Five, loving them perhaps more than any other sports team, college or pro, enjoying their many highs and their few lows, and they were very low lows. Remember him coming into the L, running with the Warriors, throwing down on Sir Charles after a ridiculous behind the back move on the break, good enough for a great barber shop shoe commercial, featuring "Express Yourself." And then things started to go a bit sour. We thought he might be the missing piece for Run TMC, but no, there were the issues with Nellie. So he gets shipped off to the Wiz and reunited with Juwan and we think, maybe they can bring some Fab Five magic to the Wiz, but no. Injuries, allegations, and underperformance lead the man to get traded to Sactown for Mitch Richmond, in what turns out to be one of the most unbalanced trades in the history of the league. He reinvents himself in Sac, taking the Kings to the brink of the title, but is thwarted again by Phil, Shaq, Kobe, the refs, and his own inability to be a great crunch-time player. Does an all-timer get the ball in the crunch and search frantically for a hand-off to Mike Bibby? Doubts emerge. Then we hear about some funky behavior while at Michigan. Apparently he takes hundreds of thousands of dollars from a booster then lies about it to a grand jury. Is he going to jail? I can't blame him for taking the money--the college game is so full of hypocrites who get rich off the players, it's hard to find fault with someone acting corruptly within a corrupt system. But you can't shake the feeling that he's trying not to be accountable for himself, that he knows better but thinks he can outsmart everyone. And he is smart enough to fool all people some of the time and some people all of the time, but you find yourself moving from the former category into the latter. You have the thought and eventually dismiss it that maybe he called that timeout because he was into the booster for money because you know the booster got money through running a gambling ring in an auto plant. And that sucks, even if you become convinced he didn't do it. Whatever the truth, the Michigan program is crushed and shattered and hasn't recovered yet. Now there are other issues there, too, and you wonder whether Bo, when he was alive, wasn't asking, why do we have a Duke man coaching a Michigan team? But I digress...then he takes a grand free agent tour, flirting with the Pistons, but ultimately returning to Sac, which was the right move for him, but still. Huge contract, max man. Then there are more playoff failures and then injuries, including the career killer microfracture surgery, the year I picked him very naively in the fantasy league, thinking he'd be out a month and then back being the old CWebb. Instead he's out until the new year when he comes back dragging that leg around the court. Somewhere in there he gets busted for pot getting on a plane (how can such a smart dude make such a boneheaded move?). Fine that he burns, but why not be smart about it? Then worse, he blames it on a member of the posse, what's that about? Loyalty? And now he's a used to be, shoulda been, almost great and he gets shipped to Philly to pair up with the Answer, only their games don't mesh at all and he's firmly embedded into the NBA malcontent crowd. A couple of bum years, frustrating for everyone because of how much money he makes, and then the buyout and he's a free man.

And here's the deal, you know that he's a terrible 20 million dollar man, but he's probably still a damned good 5 million dollar guy. And if he comes in then the offensive flow will improve, he'll be a beautiful passer that should fit seamlessly into the Pistons' share-the-ball approach. He'll know it's his last chance and he'll want to work hard to repair the tarnished relationship with his hometown. And maybe he'll even try a bit harder on D, and at least get out of last place on Clowny McHollinger's list of worst interior defenders. And we need a little more front court help, which will also give Joe D. the opportunity to trade an unnecessary big for backup point guard help so Flip Murray can go back to the end of the bench where he belongs when Chauncey comes back.

But with CWebb, you just know it won't work out, right? How could it? Every time it seems like things are on the down swing for him, he comes back and makes it right. But even more true, every time it seems like he's about to achieve something major, he falls just short, for some reason, his fault or not. I just don't see how this could work out for me. If he comes to Detroit it will be better than expected for a while, but will ultimately fall short of a championship. The only way he wins a championship is if he goes to the Lakers and does it with Kobe, which will fill my mouth with bile.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I gave up on Chris Webber a while ago, finally, after a prolonged fandom that was at times thrilling but ultimately disappointing on all levels. And now I'm at the front of the line again, looking at the barker asking me if I want to get on the creaky roller coaster again. Would it be an ultimately redemption if he came back and, unlikely as it sounds, helped to fuel a championship run? Yes. Will it happen? No. Chances of it seeming possible and then having your hopes dashed? Very high.

What will be, will be...